Cheesemonger’s Weblog

November 4, 2009

Cheese 101: The Eight Faces of Cheese

The Lady has discovered that Customers are often reluctant to ask in-depth questions about cheese and instead either ask her to recommend a cheese she (or I) like or they’ll just pick a cheese that sounds or looks “familiar”.

Your favorite Feline Foodie and Tillamook Cheese Fan of the Month for November (that would be me) thought it might be a good time to start short tutorials about the basics of cheese.

First up: the eight basic styles of cheese – all cheeses fall into one of the following categories and understanding what each style is can help make your next cheese-buying trip anxiety-free and more enjoyable.

Fresh Cheese:  Any cheese that does not undergo any ripening period is a fresh cheese. These cheeses have high moisture content; are mild in taste and have a creamy texture. Fresh cheeses include cottage cheese, cream cheese, and ricotta. While mostly bland, they improve, taste-wise, when mixed with other flavors such as herbs, fruit and sweeteners. These cheeses often have acidic or citrus taste and also the taste of fresh milk. Most of these cheeses should be eaten within a few days to a couple weeks of when the package is opened. These cheeses have a short “Use-by” date.

Other fresh cheeses include Cotija, some Mozzarellas, Queso Fresco, Mascarpone, Feta, Vermont Butter and Cheese Company Fromage Blanc, Fresh Goat Cheese aka Chevre, Bel Gioioso Burrata, Crave Brothers Mascarpone, Vermont Butter and Cheese Company Crottin, Valencay, Cabecous Feuilles, Bel Gioioso Crescenza-Stracchino and BelGioioso Tiramisu Mascarpone.

Soft-Ripened Cheese: These are cheeses that ripen from the outside in and are soft even when chilled and can be runny when out at room temperature. The outside rind is often a white, bloomy rind that has been sprayed with a mold, usually penicillium candidum, before a short aging period. The most common cheeses in this category are Brie, Camembert and Triple Creams. In the United States most of these cheeses are made from pasteurized milk; whereas in Europe many of these cheeses are still made from raw milk. Because of the FDA Regulation requiring that raw milk cheeses be aged at least sixty days, most European Cheesemakers make both raw milk and pasteurized versions of their cheeses that fall into this category. I have addressed this issue in a separate posting that you might like to read.

Included in this category are Brie de Nangis, Humboldt Fog, St. Andre, Delice de Bourgogne, St. Albray, Champignon, Cambozola, Pierre Robert, Formager d’Affinois, Crave Brothers Les Freres, Florette, Explorateur, St. Maure, Le Chatelain, Soignon Chevrion Buche, Fourgerus.

 Semi-Soft Cheese:  Cheeses in this category have a smooth and mostly creamy interior with little or no rind. Like fresh cheeses, semi-soft cheeses usually have high moisture content and often are very pungent; but can also be quite mild. Raw milk and pasteurized milk are both used in this category. Blues and washed-rind category cheeses can also be in this category.

Semi-soft cheeses include Chaumes, Bel Gioioso Fontina, Havarti, Tillamook Monterey Jack, Bleu D’Auvergne, St. Agur, Bellwether Farms’ Carmody, Roth Kase Petit Swiss, Jarlsberg, Roth Kase ButterKase and young Goudas.

 Washed-Rind Cheese: These cheeses are surface-ripened by washing the cheeses with brine, wine, brandy, beer or other ingredients throughout the aging process. The washing encourages the growth of bacteria and promotes pungent, sometimes very pungent, aromas and are therefore sometimes known as “stinky cheese”. While at Roth-Kase last spring, one of the duties The Lady completed in her Cheesemaking Class was to wash the ripening Gruyere. Also in my review of Taleggio, I state that it is also known as “My Father’s Smelly Feet”. In contrast to their smelly rinds, many of these cheeses are quite mellow and mild in taste such as Epoisses and Taleggio. Both taste absolutely nothing like the way they smell…and that’s a good thing…who would eat cheese that tasted like smelly feet???

Washed-Rind Cheeses include Raclette, Morbier, Epoisses, Taleggio, Pont l’Eveque, Livarot, Le Timanoix, Abondance, Bel Gioioso Italico, Winey Goat and Roth Kase Raclette.

Blue Cheeses: These cheeses have distinctive blue or green veining which is created by injecting penicillium roqueforti mold. This mold adds an easily recognized flavor that ranges from mild to bold and pungent. In Italy these cheeses are called “Gorgonzola”, in France “Bleu” or Roquefort – a protected name and style and in Britain and the US “Blue”.

In this category are Rogue River Blue, Bleu D’Auvergne, Forme d’Ambert, Maytag and Black River Gorgonzola.

Hard/Firm Cheeses: This is a broad category that covers cheeses that may be elastic at room temperature or are hard enough to grate like a Parmesan. Most of the Beemster Premium Goudas fall into this category as do most Cheddars, Swiss-style and Gruyere-style cheeses.

Specific cheeses in the hard category include Beecher’s Flagship Reserve, Comte, Rembrandt Gouda, Parrano, Piave, Grana PadanoParmigiano-Reggiano, Manchego, Idiazabal, Roth Kase Grand Kru, Emmenthal, Tillamook 2-Year Vintage White Extra Sharp Cheddar,  Beemster XO and Beemster Vlaskaas.

Natural Rind Cheeses: These are cheeses that develop a natural rind during the aging process without the addition of molds and without washing of the rind. Because they age over several weeks, many of these cheeses are made using raw milk. Many “Tomme” style cheese including Tomme de Savoie are in this category. The rind is usually edible but not necessarily tasty and is often gritty – try a nibble before going full steam ahead with the rind.

Other cheeses in this category include Mimolette, Cantalet, Brillat Savarin, Garroxta, English Stilton (also a blue), Shropshire Blue (another blue), Testun and St. Nectaire.

Spun Cheeses: Often called “Pasta Filata”; these cheeses are usually Italian in origin. As the name says, they are cooked and then kneaded (spun). They can be fresh or very hard grating cheeses depending on the producer. The cooking occurs when the curd is exposed to warm water which in turn makes the curd silky and elastic. The softer cheeses are then brined and the harder cheeses are air-dried.

This category includes BelGioioso Burrata, Mozzarella and Scamorza which all have a high moisture content and BelGioiosos Provolone and Caciocovallo with lower moisture content.

(There is a ninth category sometimes included in a list of cheeses but since your humble feline foodie does not consider it cheese, I refuse to really include it here: processed cheese such as Velveeta, “American Cheese” and other cheeses that can withstand a nuclear war…)

Up Next: Cheese 101: What is a Cheesemonger and other Cheese Vocations

October 8, 2009

2009 World Cheese Awards – Categories 14 to 15 – Brie and Camembert

Filed under: 2009 World Cheese Awards, Award-Winning Cheeses, Brie, Camembert — cheesemonger @ 8:40 AM
Tags:

2009 World Cheese Awards

You can view all 2009 World Cheese Award Winners at the official website by clicking here.

14a: Brie made from unpasteurised milk

award entry entered by phone number
BRONZE Brie de Meaux, produced by Rouzaire Anthony Rowcliffe & Son Ltd  01892 838999 
BRONZE Brie de Meaux Eurilait Ltd  01749 838127

 

14b: Brie made from pasteurised milk

award entry entered by phone number
SILVER Somerset Brie Lubborn Cheese Ltd.  01460 30736  
SILVER Organic Somerset Brie Lubborn Cheese Ltd.  01460 30736  
SILVER Comox Brie Natural Pastures Cheese Co Ltd.  001 250 334 4422  
BRONZE Brie 60% 1kg pasteurized Cooperative Isigny Ste Mere  00 33 2 31 513333 0207 254 9757 
BRONZE Traditional Brie Marin French Cheese Co  001 707 762 6001 x 11

 

15a: Camembert made from unpasteurised milk

award entry entered by phone number
SILVER Camembert, hand-ladle moulded, unpasteurised Laiterie-Fromagérie du Val d’Ay  0033 233464133 
SILVER Camembert Medaillon Cooperative Isigny Ste Mere  00 33 2 31 513333 0207 254 9757 
SILVER Camembert Normandie Fermier – produced by Cheese Cellar H & B Foods Ltd / The Cheese Cellar  0207 819 6000 / Jo:0207 8196074 

 

15b: Camembert made from pasteurised milk

award entry entered by phone number
GOLD Roydon Camembert Fairview Cheese  0027 21 863 3959  
BRONZE Rouge et Noir Camembert Marin French Cheese Co  001 707 762 6001 x 11

September 1, 2009

One Year Blogiversary Report

What's for lunch??? Why, cheese, of course!!!

What's for lunch??? Why, cheese, of course!!!

One year of cheese blogging has come and gone for this feline foodie. The Lady thought it might be fun to list the top ten viewed posts and pages from year one. (Those of you who know her, know what a stats junkie she is…)

Here they are in order from # 1 to #10 in popularity. (To add a bit of perspective, I have written a total of 150 posts, excluding this one, plus 11 additional pages of information, including the various lists and charts. Whew…it was not easy to squeeze all this in between my rigorous nap and observation schedules…)

  1. The Beemster Cheese Family
  2. Hard Italian Cheeses
  3. About (About me, of course)
  4. Index of Cheese Reviews
  5. Cambozola
  6. French Brie
  7. Cheese and Wine Pairings Chart
  8. Beer, Cheese and Food Pairings Chart
  9. Triple Crème Cheeses
  10. Tillamook Vintage White Extra Sharp Cheddar

Now you know what interests the good folks who love cheese as much as I do.

Thank you for your loyal support and putting up with The Lady’s shameless promotion of my blog…gotta love her…

July 1, 2009

Vegetarian Suitable Cheese & Raw Milk Cheese Chart

The Lady gets a lot of requests for cheeses that meet specific dietary needs. After goat cheese (ych…) the next two most requested cheese categories are “Vegetarian Suitable” and cheeses made from raw milk for those following the raw food lifestyle.

The Lady decided to build a chart to help these two lifestyle enthusiasts enjoy cheese more.

CHEESE VEGETARIANSUITABLE RAW/PASTEURIZED SOURCE
Applewood Ilchester Yes Pasteurized Cow
Asiago   Pasteurized Cow
Beechers Flagship No Pasteurized Cow
Beechers Flagship Reserve No Pasteurized Cow
Beechers Marco Polo No Pasteurized Cow
Beemster Mustard No Pasteurized Cow
Beemster Vlaskaas No Pasteurized Cow
Beemster Xo No Pasteurized Cow
Berthaut Epoisses   Pasteurized  
Black RiverGorgonzola Yes Pasteurized Cow
Bleu d’Auvergne   Pasteurized Cow
BlueShropshire   Pasteurized Cow
BlueberryStilton Yes Pasteurized Cow
Brescianella Aged      
CabecousFeuilles   Pasteurized Goat
Cablanca Goat Gouda Yes Pasteurized Goat
Caerphilly Somerdale Yes Pasteurized Cow
Cahill’s IrishPorter Yes Pasteurized Cow
Cambozola Yes Pasteurized Cow
Cantalet Yes Pasteurized Cow
Castello Blue     Cow
Capretta      
Champignon Yes Pasteurized Cow
Chaumes Yes Pasteurized Cow
Comte Yes Raw Cow
CranberryWensleydale Yes Pasteurized Cow
Cremier deChaumes      
Crottin     Goat
Delice deBourgogne   Pasteurized Cow
Denhay FarmhouseCheddar   Pasteurized Cow
Double GloucesterSomerdale Yes Pasteurized Cow
Emmenthaler Yes Raw Cow
Explorateur   Pasteurized Cow
Florette   Pasteurized Goat
Fol Epi Yes Pasteurized Cow
Fontina d’Aosta   Raw Cow
Fourgerus   Pasteurized Cow
Forme d’Ambert   Raw Cow
Fresh Mozzarella curd   Pasteurized Cow
Fromager d’Affinois   Pasteurized Cow
Gaperon Garmy   Pasteurized Cow
Gorgonzola Dolce   Pasteurized Cow
Gorgonzola Mountain Aged   Pasteurized Cow
Grana Padano   Raw Cow
Greens of Glastonbury Yes Pasteurized Cow
Gruyere Yes Raw Cow
Humboldt Fog Yes Pasteurized Goat
Iberico   Pasteurized Cow, Sheep, Goat
Idiazabal   Raw Sheep
Jarlsberg   Pasteurized Cow
Kerrygold Blue   Pasteurized Cow
Le Chatalain   Pasteurized Cow
Livorot     Cow
Mahon   Raw Cow (may have up to 5% sheep)
Manchego   Pasteurized Sheep
Maytag Blue Yes Raw Cow
Mimolette   Pasteurized Cow
Morbier   Raw Cow
Muenster Fleur de Sur      
Ossau-Iraty   Pasteurized Sheep
Parmigano-Reggiano   Raw Cow
Parrano No Pasteurized Cow
Pecorino Romano  

Raw

Sheep
Pecorino Toscano   Pasteurized Pecorino
Piave Vecchio   Raw Cow
Pierre Robert   Pasteurized Cow
Pont l’Eveque   Pasteurized Cow
Provolone (Hanging)     Cow
P’tit Basque   Raw Sheep
Quicke’s Bad Ass Goat Cheddar   Pasteurized Goat, really nasty goat
Raclette Yes Raw Cow
Red LeicesterSomerdale Yes Pasteurized Cow
Rembrandt Aged Gouda Yes Pasteurized Cow
Ricotta Salata   Raw Sheep
Robiola Di Rocc   Pasteurized Goat
Robiola 2 Milk   Pasteurized Goat & Sheep
Robiola 3 Milk   Pasteurized Goat, Sheep, Cow
Rogue Crater Lake Yes Raw Cow
Rogue Echo Mtn. Yes Raw Cow
Rogue Grape Leaf Yes Raw Cow
Rogue Oregon Blue Yes Raw Cow
Oregon Smoked Blue Yes Raw Cow
Roquefort Societe   Raw Sheep
Roth Kase Grand Cru Gruyere  Yes  Pasteurized  Cow
Roth Kase Grand Queso  Yes  Pasteurized  Cow
Roth Kase Petit Swiss  Yes  Pasteurized  Cow
Rozaire Brie de Nangis Yes Pasteurized Cow
Saint Agur   Pasteurized Cow
Saint Albray Yes Pasteurized Cow
Saint Andre Yes Pasteurized Cow
Soignon Chevrion Buche Yes Pasteurized Goat
St. Marcellin      
St. Maure   Raw Goat
Stilton Blue Yes Pasteurized Cow
Taleggio   Pasteurized Cow
Tomme de Savoie Yes Pasteurized Cow
Valdeon   Pasteurized Goat & Sheep
Valencay   Raw Goat
W.V. Brindisi Yes Raw Jersey Cow
W.V. Perrydale Yes Raw Jersey Cow
Winey Goat   Pasteurized Goat

 

This list is comprised primarily of the cheeses The Lady sells in her kiosk and while not yet complete (it will be updated as more information is found), it’s a start to help all those cheeselovers who are vegetarians and/or raw foodies…

June 1, 2009

Pont l’Eveque and National Hazelnut Day

Today is National Hazelnut Day…who knew…and, for the most part, who cares??? Well, my guess is the Hazelnut Growers Association, which most likely came up with the idea to immortalize today…

Therefore, in honor of this esteemed day, I declare today Pont l’Eveque Day…

Why you ask?  It’s simple; Pont l’Eveque tastes a bit like hazelnuts…voila…

Pont l’Eveque is made in the Normandy region of France and according to Wikipedia.org, is quite possibly the oldest Norman cheese still in production, dating back as far as the Twelfth Century. It is believed to have been invented by Monks in an Abbey…why am I not surprised??? Those Monks had lots of time on their hands…so to speak…and came up with some amazingly divine cheeses, beers and liqueurs. I have discussed this in a previous blog entry and my thoughts about Monks with time on their hands. I suspect that entry was in part responsible for the banning of my blog by the fine people at DPI…but I digress…

Pont l’Eveque is an uncooked, unpressed cheese shaped in squares of three sizes, which is one of the requirements for its AOC-designated status. The square The Lady brought home for me to sample was in a little 2 ½ inch square bamboo box. On the top of the box is a picture of Marie Harel, who is credited with inventing Camembert Cheese “back in the day” (1791 or around that time). 

The Lady let this cheese sit out and it began to fill the kitchen with an earthy, pungent, yet pleasant smell, as is to be expected from a washed-rind cheese. Inside was a creamy, pale yellow pate with a smooth texture. The rind was a bit on the orange side and when she pressed her finger into its top, it showed some elasticity. In addition to the hazelnut overtones, there was the taste of mushrooms and very pleasing on the palate.

The Lady served Pont l’Eveque with Beecher’s Hazelnut Crackers to further celebrate this important holiday that every hazelnut grower in Oregon  is enjoying while drinking a glass of Rogue Hazelnut Brown Nectar.  

If you haven’t planned your evening, it’s not too late to raise a glass and enjoy National Hazelnut Day with a square of Pont l’Eveque, a cheese as popular in France as any Brie, Camembert or Roquefort.

I give Pont l’Eveque 3 Paws out of 4 Paws (cause that’s all I’ve got). I like this cheese; but I must confess it is not Epoisses

Serving Suggestions: Serve at room temperature on Beecher’s Hazelnut Crackers and a few slices of apples.

Wine Pairings: French Condrieu, Champagne, Gamay, Calvados

Beer Pairings: Rogue Hazelnut Brown Nectar

Source: Pasteurized Cows’ Milk

May 27, 2009

The Lady Reports on the DPI 2009 Western Food Show

Thursday evening when The Lady walked through the door, my heart sank.

Immediately I knew she had cheated on me; she smelled of cheeses, glorious cheeses that I have never eaten…visions of “the smoking incident” danced through my head…where had she been and who was with her? As she and The Man began to chat I realized he had known all along The Lady was attending a cheese show and he had kept it secret from me. I was devastated; his buddy who hangs with him every day while The Lady is away at the cheese mines; his buddy who gives up valuable nap time to sit in his lap and allow him to pet me.

One more time, this feline learned that humankinds, even The Man, are more loyal to their own than to their favorite felines… The disappointment in these two is beyond comprehension; not to mention how pissed The Brain is going to be that I missed the opportunity to observe humankinds that otherwise would escape my cat eye… and the cheeses I missed eating… this is one annoyed feline foodie.

The Lady is already paying.  When forced (or not), getting even is always high on my list of priorities (I admit it; I hold grudges). My threshold is quite low when it comes to missing out on cheese nibbling.

Most nights, I wake up at 2am (remember cats are nocturnal by nature) and guess who I’ve been waking from her slumber each night since the DPI show? Not that it takes a rocket scientist to figure this out (even for humankind…); but…that would be The Lady… she’s lucky that’s the tactic I chose. Those of you who are owned by cats; know well that cats have far more aggressive ways to express displeasure…but I digress…

As it turned out, The Lady spent Thursday morning at the DPI Specialty Foods Product Show… now here’s the thing…she went to a CHEESE show and didn’t take me along…who is it that reviews the cheeses around here??? That would be, this feline foodie. And who around here loves cheese more than kitty pate??? That would be me as well…and yet, I sat (actually I napped but don’t tell The Lady) home while The Lady was out hob-nobbing with the elite of cheese and getting her picture taken with those Fabulous Beecher’s Cheese Ladies.

The Lady showered me with business cards and tales of cheeses she sampled. Did she bring me samples???…nada, nope, zipola…sheesh… Then to add insult to injury, she asked me to send a few shout outs to the terrific people she met and to tell you, my fans, about their cheeses.

Even though I am royally vexed, I just can’t say no to The Lady…

 Of course, I must start with those Fabulous Beecher’s Handmade Cheeses Ladies, Jena and Mike, especially since my cheesy heart belongs to No Woman, the cheese…there is nothing else to read into that statement. Just because I lost my balls somewhere in the San Fernando Valley, I did not lose my love for the ladies…especially sweet Mathilda, who stole my heart…Waltzing Mathilda, Waltzing Mathilda…

Cheese aside, that Mike is quite the dresser…talk about style…this lady has got it going on…and Jena, ooh la la…so elegant…Were I not a cat and so enamored with Mathilda, these two could really turn my head…Of course, the fact that they make some of the best cheeses in the Northwest and according to the American Cheese Society, the best cheddar in America…well, there you go…

From Beechers, The Lady with her BCFF, Amy from DPI, moved up the alphabet just a bit and hung out with Michael of the Beemster Mice fame…oh that’s right, he also reps the best cheese to ever come out of Holland…that XO is to die for…and the mice are fun playmates…

(Hey Amy, what’s up? How come you didn’t send me the 411 on the cheese show? I thought we were friends…another one bites the dust…)

Did you know that Beemster is the official cheese to the Royal Family of The Netherlands? Did you know that the Beemster Cooperative provides all the cream to Ben and Jerry for their European production? And did you know that the Beemster polder was named a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1999? Well, now you do and you, too, can wow your cheese head friends with these bits of cheese knowledge while serving any of the fine Beemster cheeses…

The Lady and Amy then visited with Conner from Kerrygold Butters and Cheese. It’s always a pleasure for The Lady to visit with Connor and fondly remember when The Man had red hair…actually when he had any hair is a distant fond memory…The Lady was especially taken with their Aged Cheddar with Irish Whiskey. It was reminiscent of Bushmills Whiskey, although Connor didn’t confirm what her tastebuds were telling her.

From there, The Lady stopped at Vermont Butter and Cheese Company to chat with Allison, one of the owners, who makes that “to-die-for” Mascarpone and Bijou and many other cheesy delectables. The Lady told me that Allison inquired into my welfare as did a few others she saw. Allison, right back atcha.

RJ of World Import Distributors was the next stop. You may recall that it was RJ and family who “vacationed” at the Estrella Family Creamery last August. And since they didn’t get enough abuse; they’re going back for more this summer…you can see why humankind observation is tedious…humankinds just never learn, do they??? It’s like when The Lady and The Man went to Thunder Ranch for handgun training… the first forty-hour course almost killed them; so what do they do? They went back the next year for twenty-four  more hours of torture…The Lady and The Man send a shout out to Clint Smith for operating the premiere gun training school in the country…as The Lady says, “If you’re going to own a gun; you sure as hell better know how to use it.” Hmm…I wandered way off the cheese reservation with that one, didn’t I???

Now this stop is the one I especially wish I had been with The Lady and Amy…Fromi USA…Agathe loves the cheeses she sells and “insisted” The Lady taste quite a few. Some that caught The Lady’s eye included Petite Sapin, Le Picandou, Bouchettes, Briebirousse d’Argental, Gres des Vosges. I’ll review these when I get the opportunity to sample them…Agathe also imports that most divine of all cheeses, Epoisses.

At Lactalis, she met Naomi and Pascal. Naomi also sent out a hello to this feline foodie. Again, right back atcha, Naomi. Lactalis provides many of the President Bries that The Lady sells on her BH-adjacent Cheese Island.

She also met the good folks at Mt. Townsend Creamery and fell in love with their Cirrus and Seastack cheeses made on the Olympic Peninsula in Northern Washington State. And also from New York State, she sampled goat cheese (I know…) made by Coach Farm. She enjoyed a cup of coffee with Chris at Vail Mountain Coffee and Tea and a scone at FatCat Scones.

Later in the day, Jim Lowes of Lowes Sales and Marketing and Howard Nep from Marcel Henri stopped by the Cheese Kiosk to introduce themselves. Jim reps a line of salsas (among other food items) and Marcel Henri makes this feline foodie’s favorite pate.

(Sigh)…this is one adventure I wish I had been able to go along on with The Lady…but she continues to pay… and pay… and pay…

March 31, 2009

Yikes…The Cat is Out of the Bag…So to Speak…

Yesterday, I awoke from my late afternoon nap when I smelled G. gallus domesticus. Now, mind you this was not just ordinary G. gallus domesticus, but the preferred Foster Farms G. gallus domesticus. Before I launch into the crisis at hand, I must digress for a moment and share some thoughts.

The Lady has become friends with her former Union rep, Roger. Like The Lady, he is a humankind foodie who is also a former chef. He and The Lady love to discuss cooking.

One day Roger told The Lady he was headed to Longview to Foster Farms. The Lady asked him what happened to the G. gallus domesticus who refused to organize…according to Roger, they end up in the frying pan and that is precisely what woke me up from my nap…unorganized G. gallus domesticus sautéing in the kitchen. I understand that the G. gallus domesticus from Arkansas are much easier to organize due to a diet of pepperoni pizza and other junk food plus the addition of a lot of unnatural crap. At least according to Foster Farms commercials, that’s what they eat.

Speaking of commercials, The Lady loves those silly Trunk Monkey commercials from Suburban Motor group. Her cousin, Dan, knows of this love and has given The Lady her very own Trunk Money (stuffed and hanging off my desk swag lamp) and a Trunk Monkey T-Shirt. BTW, I’ve seen those commercials and that is no monkey (trunk or otherwise), it is a Pan troglodytes…whatever happened to “truth in advertising?”

Here’s a bit of trivia…did you know that Pam troglodytes laugh? I kid you not…just like the humankinds, they recognize ridiculous predicaments and enjoy the irony. You can also get a young Pan troglodyte to laugh if you tickle it…

Anyway, those luscious smells coming from the kitchen woke me and it could only mean one thing; a little G. gallus domesticus would end up in my chow dish. I wandered into the kitchen area about the same time The Man did…it’s safe to assume the same smells woke him from his own late afternoon nap and he knew some G. gallus domesticus would end up in his chow dish as well…

I eavesdropped on the conversation The Lady and The Man were having. Like the Pan troglodyte, they were laughing…they do that a lot…laughter being the best medicine and all…when suddenly I felt terror strike in my heart and my feline blood began to run cold…The Lady was discussing with The Man the possibility of “ungrounding” me (that was good news…places to go; humankinds to observe). You may recall the unfortunate “smoking incident”.

At first I thought I had misunderstood; I prayed I misunderstood. If not, I knew at that moment, “Mother Ship, we have a problem.” The Brain was not going to be happy…

I needed to react quickly but nonchalantly. The last thing I wanted was for The Man to think he might be onto something. The mission must be protected at all costs. To confound the Man and hopefully move him off-topic, I rubbed his legs…hey, don’t knock it, it works… ask The Lady…


I listened carefully and I heard the words clearly; the words that threatened everything we feline observers have accomplished over time – a real threat should The Man’s discovery get out and other humankinds agree. (Quite frankly, I didn’t think he was that clever. It’s always the ones you least expect, isn’t it?)

The Lady laughed and said “Let me get this straight. You think cats are aliens. Aliens from another planet.” The Man confirmed that was his suspicion. The Lady asked him to explain and this was when panic set it…

The Man said, “Think about it. Most cats are strays that just show up at your door one day. Muff was a stray; Miff was a stray; Biff was a stray; Buff was a stray (Buff lived with The Lady’s brother, Joel, God rest his soul); Mike Tyson was a stray and Spaulding Gray is a stray. All of Judy’s cats are strays; Dave Willis has a stray; Amy, your BCFF, has a stray. We all have strays.” The Lady laughed again and asked with skepticism, “So?”

The Man continued, “Here’s what happens.” (I guess he thinks he’s as clever as Monk, “the humankind world’s greatest detective” – Monk has his own TV show; it’s almost as popular as the President Obama Show…) Aliens arrive in a spaceship and need to insinuate themselves into our society in order to spy on us. What better way than to beam down; assume the form of a stray cat; take up with a family and voila (no wonder he likes Brie de Nangis; he speaks French, who knew?)…a spy in our midst. We think cats are these innocent animals we save (and take away certain, critical body parts…). We speak freely in front of them; they watch our every move.”

By this time The Lady had stopped laughing and was looking at The Man as though she was sure he had lost his mind… she does that a lot. I relaxed a bit; thinking she wasn’t buying his latest nutty thought pattern. Perhaps she would keep him in check and save our secret from becoming public knowledge.

But no, that’s when she dropped the bomb, “So using your theory that would mean Mike Tyson was some kind of commander.” The Man replied, “Exactly, he spent half the week with us and when we went to go to the desert on Thursday, he spent those days with Julie. Mike Tyson had at least two houses to watch. He had to be an important leader for the aliens.”

I was filled with conflicting thoughts. First of all, I was humbled to be reminded I had been chosen to assume the legendary Mike Tyson’s mission; but The Man had figured it all out including that there are low-level watchers and upper-level commanders who control entire streets. He even knew how special the legendary Mike Tyson was.


I dread reporting to
The Brain. Perhaps I can wait and see if other humans tumble to The Man’s “theory”. But alas, that is not to be.

The Lady went to her computer and starting emailing all her friends with stray cats; warning them to be careful about what they say and do in front of their feline friends. After several humankinds reported back, she told The Man, “From now on, when we want to discuss important matters; we’ll have to use the shower. Spaulding Gray will never follow us into the rain closet.”

Yep, The Brain is going to be royally pissed…

March 21, 2009

34° Crispbread Crackers

I’m pretty much a “meat and cheese” kind of feline foodie.

Last night The Lady insisted that I sample my cheese with crackers, which she assured me contained some of the same grains found in my kitty pate and added that I would enjoy the flat little disks she called “Crispbread”. I feared (wrongly I might add) she was guilty of something we were taught by The Brain in “Observing Humankind 101” – “How do you know a humankind is lying? Their lips are moving.” The Lady claims the same thing is true about those 535 rat ass bastards (her words, certainly not mine) running the US Congress…but I digress…

And once again, she was not BSing me; these little suckers are delicious.

The 34 Degree Crispbread Crackers

The 34 Degree Crispbread Crackers

34° (from the latitude of Sydney, Australia where the company founder once lived) offers four varieties and it’s hard to pick a favorite.

These crackers are all mouth-wateringly good and don’t intrude upon the flavor of the cheese. Something that greatly annoys The Lady – crackers that overpower the enjoyment of the cheese.

She is one tricky Lady; she enticed me by serving these Crispbreads with some of my most favorite cheeses:

34° Crispbread with Sesame – served with Beemster Vlaskaas Aged Gouda. The sesame flavor is subtle and the cracker just melts in your mouth. The cracker is thin and baked with no added oil; therefore the fat content is practically nil; something this feline foodie must watch. I’d rather get my fat calories from cheese than bread.

Other serving suggestions: Smoked Bolitoglossa taylori which I enjoyed on a trip to Taiwan while patrolling in the Far East Quandrant; Thunnus albacores and avocado, a favorite of The Lady when she and The Man travel to the North Shore of Oahu and dine at her favorite restaurant, Jameson’s by the Sea where they sit out on the patio and watch the sun set over the Pacific Ocean.

34° Natural Crispbread – served with Cotswold Double Gloucester with Onions and Chives. Again, this fancy-smancy Crispbread is simply the cat’s meow when it comes to being the right balance with the cheese. The Lady had the Natural with a sliver of Rogue Creamery Oregon Blue and I thought for a minute she had blacked out from the satisfying taste…she does enjoy her Rogue Creamery Blues…

Other serving suggestions: Just about any cheese from mild to sharp, spicy spreads and Orange Honey Epicurean Butter.

34° Cracked Black Pepper Crispbread – this one she served with Brie de Nangis; a new favorite cheese of The Man. He added some of the Ficoco Spread that The Lady brought home recently. You may recall, I mentioned his sweet tooth…

Other serving suggestions: Kitty Pate, Salami and Triple Creams such as Delice or Saint Andre.

And last; but certainly far from least…

34° Rosemary Crispbread – with the Rosemary The Lady served with Epoisses and all I can say is “Ooo la la, Rosemary Crispbread is viva la difference”.

Other serving suggestions – Herbed Goat Cheese – check out Allison Hopper’s offerings from Vermont Butter and Cheese – she has some fantastic goat cheese logs rolled in other goodies.

You could try the rosemary cracker with hummus and tapenades or even a schmear of Desmognathus auriculatus salad.

I love The Lady; she brings me cheese and 34° Crispbread. I am one lucky feline foodie…and I don’t think she is lying when her lips move…not like those 535 rat ass bastards (again, her words, not mine) running the US Congress.

I give 34° Crispbread Crackers 4 Paws out of 4 Paws (cause that’s all I’ve got) and I am going to throw in a little wagging tail as well.

March 6, 2009

Explorateur Triple Creme

explorateur Triple Creme

explorateur Triple Creme

Named after the first US Satellite, the Explorer, and in honor of the French participation with the US in the Space Program, this triple crème was created in the 1950s in the Isle de France. Its fat content is 75%. However, it is more flavorful and pungent that many of its triple-cream cousins.

It is produced as a squatty cylindrical disk and sold as a unit rather than being cut to order. In The Lady’s Kiosk it sells for $6.99 but I have seen it online, while doing my research, as high as $11.99 a unit, which is about 4 and a half ounces or $32.00 a pound for this sublime triple crème.

It is buttery and rich but has a firmer, more pate-like texture than Pierre Robert or Delice de Bourgogne. The affinage takes two weeks and gives this cheese a bloomy, Brie-like crusty rind. The bone-colored paste has a slightly salty and mushroom tang.

I give Explorateur 3 out of 4 Paws (cause that’s all I’ve got).

Serving Suggestions: An excellent dessert wine, try spreading Explorateur on crackers or a crusty French bread. Of course, I prefer my Explorateur on a bed of fresh field greens topped with a sublime leg of geococcyx californianus.

Wine Pairings: Prosecco or Sparkling Wine

Fat Content: 75%

Source: Cow’s Milk

February 27, 2009

Champignon, the Mushroom Brie

Copyright Kaserei 2009

Copyright Kaserei 2009

Vegetarian – Suitable Cheese

Kaserei, a German-based Cheesemaker, loves to add flavors to their Bries and triple crèmes. I think that’s a terrific idea…I’ll make a few of my own recommendations later in this post…

Champignon, which means “mushroom” in German, is a luscious double crème with, you guessed it, mushrooms added. The mild mushroom flavor comes from quality champignons harvested at the peak of their season to add just the right earthiness to this sublime soft cheese. I overheard The Lady tell The Man she sells a several slices of this cheese every week at her little slice of heaven, aka, the Cheese Kiosk.

I have tried to convey to The Lady how important it is for me, her favorite feline foodie, to visit the Kiosk and pass along my own observations; but either she doesn’t understand my meows or she chooses to ignore them. There is also the possibility that my presence in the Kiosk might break some humankind health department rules; which is, of course, ridiculous considering how much time I spend daily keeping my fur clean and perfectly coifed. As neat and clean as The Lady is, she doesn’t spend half the time on her own fur that I do…but, as usual… I digress…

The Lady is a big fan of mushrooms and loves this cheese. The Man prefers another Kaserei cheese, Cambozola, which I reviewed a few months ago. Cambozola is also a favorite of The Lady’s friend Mary…you may remember her…she has a dozen feline observers living with her. As mentioned before, Mary is either the most fascinating humankind female in the Eastern Quadrant or she has twelve truly lazy kitties…if you know Mary, you can make the call…

I like Champignon; it reminds me of that same earthy taste I often lick off the paw pads of a fresh Microtus pennsylvanicus, when I’m lucky enough to wander as far as Salmon Creek where these little nocturnal critters abound. For some reason The Lady and The Man aren’t as fond of these tasty morsels. Go figure.

I give Champignon 3 out of 4 Paws (cause that’s all I’ve got).

Serving Suggestions: Champignon is delightful when spread on a slab of warm artisan bread or a nice buttery cracker. Let it sit at room temperature for an hour and it will lift the mushroom flavor to the perfect level for you to enjoyment.

Wine Pairings: Goes best with a light, white wine but can also pair with full-bodied red varieties.

Source: Cow’s Milk

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