American “Cheese”…aka…Processed “Cheese” that will Survive a Nuclear Winter

December 12, 2008

The Lady has a friend, Julie, who dared her to bring home a slice of American “cheese” for me to sample and review.

Holy smokes, I suppose according to a legal definition, this is “cheese”; but this is not a cheese that you should feed your feline friends, your canine friends and I’d even think twice before feeding it to the children.

To legally qualify as cheese there must be a set of ingredients: milk, whey, milkfat and milk protein. American cheese has all of these; but that’s all it has in common with the cheeses to which I have become accustomed. Call me a cheese snob…”my name is Spaulding Gray and I am a cheese snob”.

As early as 1790, the United States was exporting American-made cheddar to England and Europe. The British, who considered it inferior to English cheddar, nicknamed it “American Cheese” or “Yankee Cheese”. The name stuck, even after the American Cheesemakers began producing cheeses that were of quality equal to, and in some cases, superior to English cheddars.

The name continued in America as well and was used when referring to American cheddar until processed cheese came along. Thank you, Mr. Kraft.

The individually-wrapped American Cheese slices (used for cheeseburgers and “regular” grilled cheese sandwiches) has the least relationship to cheese. It is literally poured onto the plastic and left to emulsify.

Processed cheeses and “Cheese Products”, such as Velveeta, don’t need to be refridgerated until their wrapping is opened. And here’s a little-known factoid. You only need to refridgerate it to keep it from drying out; not to spoil. This stuff doesn’t spoil. It will outlast the cockroach…

It doesn’t look like cheese; it doesn’t smell like cheese; it doesn’t taste like cheese and it doesn’t even quack.

American Cheese is not cheese. And The Lady does NOT sell this at the cheese kiosk – yikes!!

I can’t give this cheese even 1 Claw; much less a Paw…where’s the Epoisses???

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2 Responses to “American “Cheese”…aka…Processed “Cheese” that will Survive a Nuclear Winter”

  1. Gary Says:

    Velveta is not a cheese! It is a “cheese product”. This is the worst that I know as a &^%$%#@. My cat says that is something ugly which defies being named. The USA makes really good cheese at very fair prices. Try Tillamock for one or some of the Wisconsin or New York brands. They are really good!

  2. nrlanga Says:

    Dear Friend

    I have read some of your posts. I wold like to revisits, as your writings have interested me.

    If you like short stories and paintings, then a short visit to my blogs would be an entertaining one.

    Naval Langa


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